Stop Self-Sabotaging and Let the Good Times Roll

I’ve been feeling really great lately. Like really, REALLY great. It’s such a far cry from the incessant anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts, and depression that flooded me before the wedding earlier this year. Now, I spend whole days without any of those things and I’m getting to see how “normal” people must feel most of the time.

And of course, after days of sweetness and ease, my mind starts to race with, “what if all of that anxiety comes back?” Or even just, “WHEN is it going to come back?” as if I fully expect it to. I’ve also found myself feeling guilty for being so happy when so many others are suffering. I haven’t felt inspired to post about anything other than good, happy stuff on my Instagram, and I wonder if people hate seeing me bounce around all joyful. And of course, there’s always the fear of “jinxing it.” Continue reading

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Stopping the Comparison Game

I have to be honest, I can fall into the trap of comparing my life to others quite often. Social media and the little snippets of contrived goodness we see of others’ lives only makes it that much easier to think that others have it great, especially if we ourselves are struggling.

I remember when I was in the midst of panic disorder and completely nonfunctional, I would see other people doing simple things that I couldn’t do, like going out with friends or holding a steady job, and I would subsequently feel awful about myself. I would wonder why others had it so easy and I was barely making it through the day. I would get jealous and angry. Continue reading

Smiling at Fear

Fear does a really, really good job at convincing us it is real. Throughout my years of experiencing anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts, depression, etc., I’ve had moments where I was so entangled in my thoughts and fears as being very real. As if I had every reason to be scared and to react and to fight and to give in. Continue reading