If you’re anything like me, you might have learned early on that you needed to gain others’ approval in order to feel worthy. This may have led to perfectionist tendencies and a deep desire to people-please.
Unfortunately, as a child, I never learned how to step into my own power and realize that the approval I was seeking from others could be found within my own being. So I desperately, frantically searched for my worth through the eyes of others. I had to be perfect in ballet to get the approval of the director and my peers. I had to be perfect in school to gain acceptance from my teachers and family. I had to be the perfect girlfriend, which meant giving up my own needs, in order to feel loved. On and on…
I still find myself looking for my worth outside of myself, though I am becoming more and more aware of this pattern. Can you imagine how much anxiety it creates when your self-worth is a roller coaster ride, controlled by outside circumstances?
Then, in meditation recently, I realized that: I can be my own source. Everything that I seek outside of myself- love, acceptance, approval, happiness, peace- I can provide for myself. I can fill myself up from the inside out. So I imagined all of these beautiful qualities shimmering through my body and filling me up as if I was an overflowing cup of joy.
There are so many people that I’ve given my power away to. It’s as if my power has been seeping from my body all these years, going towards the people and things that I thought could fill me up. And now, I’m practicing taking back that power, realizing that I don’t need their love or approval in order to feel worthy. Then, I take all of my power back. I recharge.
When we can begin to develop a sense of stability through our own ability to provide the emotional nutrients that we need, we can then begin to trust ourselves. We don’t need to worry about making mistakes or not being perfect. We know that we’ll be okay no matter what, because we have our own source within.
This change won’t happen for me overnight, of course, but it feels powerful. It will be a practice to notice when I’m searching for love outside of myself, and gently bringing my attention back to my own heart, my own bubbling spring of peace.
Keep an eye out for a guided meditation on becoming your own source that I’ll have out in the next couple of weeks.
For now, ask yourself:
- Where am giving my power away by seeking approval from other people, things, achievements?
- When I notice this pattern, can I turn my attention towards myself instead? Can I fill myself up from the inside out?
Even if you don’t yet know how to fill yourself up, just bringing the attention back to yourself and examining your inner world can be a wonderful first step.